How to Have Great Sex

For those yearning to turn up the heat in the bedroom, the quest for unforgettable and great sex can sometimes feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. Many people just don’t know how to have great sex.

As a certified sex therapist, I frequently get asked how couples can improve their sex life.

And so, if you want to learn more about great sex or if you wish to add a spark to your sex life to ignite the best sex experience with your partner, this episode is for you.

What do we mean by great sex?

When we talk about great sex, we are referring to great sex in a committed relationship, not just fleeting sexual encounters of a one-night stand with sexual partners. It is through the intimacy of great sex in a relationship that couples or partners get to build a deeper connection with each other not just constrained to their physical bond. Sex allows us to connect in a way that nothing else can.
Each touch serves as a confirmation of fondness and every tender kiss an expression of deeper affection. This bond ignites pleasure and embodies an unspoken promise of mutual care, trust and respect. We also have to note that sex is not like those movie scenes that mislead us that sex is magical. In reality, sex can sometimes just be normal or sometimes, not okay due to reasons like erectile dysfunction, difficulty in having orgasms, issues with sexual arousal, and lack of emotional connection and erotic intimacy.

What are the ingredients for great sex?

One of the biggest ingredients for great sex is being into your partner. When you’re in love with your partner, it makes you desire them in a romantic and intimate way because that’s a way of expressing love. Sex with your partner is something that is special. What I want couples to do is to start considering sex as an avenue to explore and have fun freely rather than thinking of it as something that needs to be done.

Love is the foundation for great sex

The foundation for great sex is a foundation of strong love that is built on trust and mutual respect. It’s the love between you two that keeps you interested in having sex. For women, what gets them interested in having sex with their partners is that feeling of being closely connected to their partner. For men, on the other hand, they often feel loved through the act and experience of sexual pleasure with their partner.
Trust is equally an important ingredient in having wonderful sex as the foundation of strong love is built on trust and mutual respect. When you trust your partner, you know that you are fully safe and accepted for who you are. Being in a safe space lets you express yourself more freely further allowing you to explore more of your sexuality.

Talking with your partner about sex is important.

Communication is key to having healthy relationships. Being able to talk to your partner about sex significantly affects your sex life insofar as you’re able to discuss your sexual preferences and interests as well as your dislikes.

Your mindset matters when it comes to sex.

One of the key elements for a great sex life is your mindset and this holds true as the brain is referred to as the biggest sex organ. It’s your mindset about sex that can either make you or break you. The thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes you hold towards sex wield a profound influence on your intimate experiences and interactions.

How you feel about your body matters.

The level of comfort that you have with your body plays a pivotal role in your sex life. We tend to be our toughest critics, scrutinizing every curve and contour, all while pondering how others see us. Yet, here's a secret: the importance we attach to our perceived flaws often eclipses their significance in the eyes of others. What truly shines and magnetizes attraction is the luminous glow of self-confidence. It's the secret sauce that not only draws others toward us but also fuels our own self-love. So, let's sprinkle a little extra self-assurance into our lives—it's the spice that seasons our journey to self-love and irresistible allure.

Know your sexual desires and what feels good to you.

Knowing yourself sexually is essential for you to be able to enjoy your sex life. Otherwise, if you don’t know what you want, how you want to be touched, or what feels good for you, then you’re less likely to have satisfying sex. You can also do sex research if you lack information about sexual health, oral sex and other intimate acts, relationship satisfaction, or even clitoral stimulation. You must know what you want and what you need and communicate that to your partner.

Be open to exploring more to spice up your sex life.

While routine can offer a sense of security to the relationship, being open to exploring more to spice up your sex life can inject a sense of excitement and unpredictability into your sexual dynamics. This is about delving into your own desires and understanding what truly arouses you.
Exploring more is a conscious commitment to establishing and nurturing a fulfilling sex life through a deep connection. However, when it comes to this, there must be a good foundation of mutual trust, love and respect. It's also important to establish clear boundaries and to always prioritize consent in every sexual experience.

Set up the right context for sex.

Having sex in the right time, place and head space will make your sexual experiences better. Context is more than just the environment but also covers how you’re feeling about yourself and your partner.
These factors hold significance because they dictate your energy levels, stress levels, and overall readiness for intimacy. The intersection of timing, setting, and head space amplifies the pleasures of physical connection, enriching the experience on both an emotional and physical level.

So what do you need to do to start strengthening your sexual intimacy and improving your sexual satisfaction? Identify those areas that could use a bit of TLC to improve your sex life. You and your partner can journey together to foster an environment of shared growth and intimacy. The great news is that you’re in control of all these ingredients of fabulous sex and you have the power to create a magical, loving, and mutually pleasurable sex life.