10 Things You Should Never Have in Your Bedroom, from a Relationship Expert

Things You Should Never, Ever Have in Your Bedroom if You Want Love and Romance to Flourish

Take a moment to glance around your bedroom. Does it radiate an aura of tranquility, and passionate intimacy or is it cluttered with items that are hindering your love life? Chances are, you've never pondered its impact. But as a relationship expert, I know there are definite no-no's when it comes to setting the stage for love. Whether you're in the early stages of a fiery romance or nestled in a long-term commitment, these bedroom blunders can hinder your desires. It's time to take a closer look at what you should never have in your bedroom! 

A photo of your Mom. 

Imagine this scenario: you and your partner, caught in the throes of passion, when suddenly, you catch a glimpse of a photo of your partner's mother. It feels like she’s watching you. Talk about an instant mood killer! No one wants dear old Mom peering into their intimate moments.

Sure, we love and appreciate our mothers, but there are plenty of suitable places in your home to display a photo of your loving mother—just not in your bedroom. Mom has her own special place in your heart, but she doesn’t belong in your sex life or your relationship. Unless, of course, you're a self-proclaimed mama's boy or still tightly bound to her apron strings. But let's be real, if your attachment to your mother is that intense, finding space for a partner might be challenging.

Photos, the cremated remains or clothing, toiletries and keepsakes of a deceased spouse. 

It's important to honor the love and relationship a partner had with a spouse after they pass away. However, having them front and center in the bedroom isn't healthy for your new relationship. It could make a new partner uncomfortable and inhibit intimacy. It's important to allow a widower space to grieve and keep memories of their loved one alive, but the bedroom isn't the place for that. Instead, a special location in the living room or office could display a few special items, and the rest should be stored in boxes or donated to someone in need.

A child. 

Imagine entering your bedroom, eagerly anticipating a special haven dedicated to you and your partner's love and connection. It's a space where you can unwind, be vulnerable, and strengthen the bond you share. But wait, who's that little bundle of joy nestled beside you? Ah, it's your child, innocently snoozing away.

While the notion of having your little one close may seem endearing, the truth is that it can cast a shadow over your relationship. Intimacy suffers, sleep is disrupted, and a message is silently conveyed—that the child takes precedence over your bond. Unwittingly, this dynamic breeds resentment as your partner's needs are eclipsed by the child's constant attention.

To restore balance, it's crucial to establish boundaries. Children deserve their own space, their own beds, where they can embark on their own sleep adventures. By reclaiming your bedroom as a couple's haven, you preserve the sacred realm where love and desire can flourish

A crucifix. 

As a sex therapist specializing in helping individuals navigate the lingering effects of religious upbringings on their sexuality, I can confidently declare that a crucifix in the bedroom is an absolute no-no. Just picture this: you're in the throes of passion, exploring the depths of intimacy, and suddenly, your eyes drift upward to find a crucifix hanging on the wall. Talk about an instant arousal killer!

During my sessions, I often ask clients with sexual struggles to reflect on who they feel metaphorically looms at the foot of their bed, watching their every move. Unsurprisingly, the two most common responses I receive are: a) God and b) their mother. The resulting effect is a profound sense of being scrutinized and judged for their sexual desires and actions. This constant feeling of being watched can be incredibly stifling, dampening their sexual desires and making it more challenging to embrace true intimacy.

Now, just imagine the impact of having an actual crucifix in the bedroom. It's as if Jesus himself is peering down, observing every intimate encounter. The discomfort and unease this can evoke are undeniable, further reinforcing the notion that sexual expression is sinful or shameful.

While a crucifix may hold deep spiritual significance for some, it's crucial to recognize that the bedroom is a space where passion, vulnerability, and pleasure should reign supreme. There are far more suitable places in a home to display religious symbols, such as the main living area, where they can inspire reflection and devotion without encroaching on the realm of sexual exploration and connection.

Keepsakes from your ex. 

Picture this scenario: you stumble upon a hidden box, filled to the brim with mementos from your partner's past relationship. A rush of emotions floods through you. Doubt creeps in. Are they truly over their ex? Is their heart still entangled in the memories of the past? It feels as if a third person has invaded your relationship.

Let's be honest, tokens of affection like notes, ticket stubs, and photos from an ex don't belong in the spotlight. They deserve a place far away from your love story. Perhaps in the trash, where they can't cast a shadow over your present. At the very least, they should be tucked away, boxed up, and stored on a forgotten shelf in the depths of the basement.

TV's, tablets, laptops and phones. 

As a relationship and sex therapist, I firmly believe that bedrooms hold a sacred purpose - they're meant for sleep and passionate intimacy. However, the invasion of TVs and technology in this space has become an unwelcome distraction. Instead of going to bed together, snuggling up, and fostering emotional and physical connection, people find themselves caught in the clutches of endless programming or engrossed in their smartphones.

These gadgets can inadvertently create barriers in relationships. They serve as convenient excuses for one partner to shy away from sexual encounters or for the other to hesitate in making the first move, feeling like they can't compete with the allure of technology. Time and time again, my therapy clients express deep hurt because their partners seem more engrossed in their screens - be it phones, laptops, or televisions - than in giving them attention.

Envision this: your partner sits beside you, but their gaze is fixed on the glowing screen of their phone. They half-heartedly listen to your words while their mind remains absorbed in the digital realm. The message is clear: your presence takes a backseat to the allure of their device. It's a painful blow to anyone longing for a meaningful connection.

Family photos hanging on the walls

Similar to having photos of Mom in your bedroom, having the walls of the bedroom be a shrine to your family history doesn’t set the stage for great sex. Who wants to have sex with Uncle Bob or their toddler staring down at them? No offense to Uncle Bob, but that sounds like an arousal killer!

And here are a few extras just for fun!

Stuffed taxidermy, especially of rodents like squirrels.  

Seriously, I've seen this in bedrooms.  Gross! I'm not sure there's any good place in the house for this, but if you must, a basement den.

Duct tape.

Hmmm, duct tape in a bedroom would be alarming because, why? Duct tape belongs in the tool chest or garage. Even though duct tape has 1,000 great uses, none of them are in the bedroom. If you want to engage in kink or bondage, there are safer and more appropriate products available such as these.

Antique dolls, creepy clowns and other childhood keepsakes. 

Imagine stepping into your bedroom, seeking solace and serenity after a long day. The soft lighting, the cozy ambiance, and the gentle embrace of your surroundings should envelop you in a sense of peace. But wait, what's that lurking in the corner? Oh, it's an antique doll, with its lifeless eyes and eerie grin. And over there, a creepy clown figurine, seemingly plotting mischief.

Now, let's be honest. These relics from childhood, while they may hold sentimental value, are best suited for a display cabinet or tucked away safely in the basement. There's something about those lifeless eyes and uncanny smiles that can disrupt the desired ambiance. After all, who wants to feel like they're being watched by a doll or have a clown's mischievous gaze follow their every move?

Let's reclaim the magic of the bedroom. Let's restore it to a sanctuary where sleep, love, and deep connection thrive. To cultivate an atmosphere of deep relaxation and love, it's best to choose items that promote a peaceful state of mind. Opt for soothing decor, soft colors, and meaningful elements that inspire positive emotions and help you feel fully present in the embrace of your bedroom sanctuary. Look around your bedroom and decide what you can change to make it an oasis where you can relax and fan the flames of intimacy. 

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